Orenda Circle

by Ambler

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03:41
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04:21
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03:58
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03:34
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03:56
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04:47
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credits

released February 3, 2015

Written, Produced & Mixed by Ben Lapidus©
Arranged by Ambler
Engineered by Ben Lapidus, Jacob Blumberg of Mason Jar Music, and Aaron Bastinelli of Converse Rubber Tracks
Mastered by Alan Silverman of Arf Productions

AMBLER is...
Ben Lapidus - Vocals, Guitar
Jake Ludwig - Guitar, Vocals
Kyle Dubin - Guitar
Dan Hemerlein - Bass
Andrew Campbell - Drums, Vocals

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Ambler New York, New York

I am an Island

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Track Name: Island
Island

I am an island eyelids pried wide shut
I am in love with who I must not touch
I am ashamed shape-shift facelift airbrush
I am an idea built to worship not to love

I am a stone-face glass-case crack flash-flood
You are a secret I don't trust with anyone
I am a wet fish dangling death wish kill me now this impotent touch
I am an island I am blinded newborn deer vs. ten-ton truck

I am an Island
Stay away from me

I am an island eyelids pried wide shut
I am in love with who I must not touch
Track Name: Thicker Than Blood
Thicker Than Blood

I’m understanding the cliché to feel nostalgic on a train
‘Cause I know nothing’s changed but nothing feels the same
The icicles above my bed are dripping water on my head
And keep me dreaming of the home I had instead

I’ve been so resilient
I just wish you would try
To make this house a place that I can make my home
But if you won’t light a fire, then I’ll sleep in the snow

Every picture is collapsed, all these boxes stay unpacked
Because the memories just hurt too fucking bad
Nothing good can ever last, nothing here could ever mask
The undying pain of dealing with the fact
That the past is in the past is in the past and that’s that
And there’s no sense in standing still because I’m busy looking back

I’ve been so resilient
I just wish you would try
To make this house a place that I can make my home
But if you won’t light a fire, then I’ll sleep in the snow

Blood is thicker than water
But family’s thicker than blood
I have the eyes of my father
And the heart of a stranger’s son

I’m understanding the cliché to feel nostalgic on a train
‘Cause I just know the holidays won’t be the same
But distance can’t delineate, separate roofs can’t separate
The bind that time has forged I know will stay
Track Name: Dragging
I’m too loved to be lonely
I’m too blessed to be sad
I’m too drunk to be alone now
I need your warmth in my bed

There’s so much love all around me
And I’m too scared to let it in
I resent you for what you’ve made me
A beaten dog in shaking skin

What do you tell your friends when they ask you, how’d it end?
And what do you tell yourself at night to fall asleep in that icy bed?

I’m too loved to be lonely
I’m too blessed to be sad
I’m too in love to be alone now
I need your warmth in my bed

Calling you would only make it worse
I’m small, pathetic, lonely, and perverse
You are both the pain and the escape
I come to you to realize what I hate

So I’ll take all the anger in my life and point it all at you
And crush this tainted love until it dies ‘cause I need someone new

So if you ever feel like taking your life again,
Don’t hesitate to call someone whose love you haven’t pushed away

‘Cause some sins are too big to forgive,
But I’m trying to forget
I love you
I hate you
I feel terrible
Sincerely,
Ben
Track Name: Product
Product

I’m afraid this city’s turned us into productivity machines
Products of forces far above and beyond you and me
A sunset isn’t beautiful unless it’s caught on film
And no one cares about your music unless other people do
It’s this title wave of handshakes and ‘hello, how-are-you’s
That makes it all feel so normal, disguising the truth
That people here are here to get what they want to get out of it
And if you’re not an asset then you’re pretty much irrelevant

No one lives up to the standard, that’s what keeps us at bay
Always two inches to short to ride this ride
Standing in line with an equals-sign over your head
Quantifying your worth, monetizing your hurt, capitalizing the earth
And every aspect of life pervades and perverts and distills and distorts and desserts
We revert to creatures divided and conquered
Consumers, producers and dreamers who wander the street
Alone in the middle of the night trying to find inspiration in the corners of life
In a merciless system whose power derives
From people who prosper off powerful lies
Like function is value and money is time
That rhyme is the reason and x equals y but why?

Make your statement in the name of what you love
If you don’t realize what it’s worth then you will never be enough
This place has shaped me but it’s not where I am from
I’m only passing through just like everyone

I know it’s easy to play the victim, blame the system, be a symptom
But this sickness has to be stopped at the source
Each one of us will reinforce the rule until we find a way to rise above
It’s why adults say they can’t sing while children dance like they’re in love
With every color in the solar system
Circulating blood into the hearts of the unshaken
Shining light on what we’ve lost
The cost of growing old and staying in control means never letting go
Or giving life the chance to change your mind and move your soul
Every judgment is self-judgment, thus we are what we despise
And we will stay that way until we find the love to empathize

Make your statement in the name of what you love
If you don’t realize what it’s worth then you will never be enough
This place has shaped me but it’s not where I am from
I’m only passing through just like everyone
Track Name: Still Remember
You found me quietly drowning and picked me up out of my head
As quick as you came you were gone and there I was left

Crystalized in that moment in time and what you said the night you left I still remember

I drove thirty-six hours in the snow for you
I'm seeing this through
And I won't rest until I'm lying next to you
I've gotta see you

We spent the winter like two refugees on a broken down train
Roaming that ghost town like characters lost in a childhood dream

Crystalized in that moment in time and what you said the night you left I still remember

I drove thirty-six hours in the snow for you
I'm seeing this through
And I won't rest until I'm lying next to you
I've gotta see you

I can't forget the night you left
You looked at me, you smiled and said,
"If we don't see each other again,
That'd be fine, that'd be just fine
'cause it was real and it was right"
Track Name: Clean Break
Clean Break

Clean break
I won't let this slip away
I have come too far to give up now
I'll make these wasted days
and empty pages fuel the firelight
I'll make it work this time

I was broken, lost and locked up in my head
I just wish I could've told you that back then
All my heart and all my sorrow
flounders in the wake of a sensible lie

Clean break
I won't let this slip away
I have come too far to give up now
I'll make these wasted days
and empty pages fuel the firelight
I'll make it work this time
Clean break

In this final scene with nothing left to say
And when you wish me well I know you wish I'd stay
All my heart and all my sorrow
balanced on the brink of a final goodbye

Clean break
I've been waiting for this day
but I can't accept or save our separate fates
I know my road, I'll build my home with or without you so
don't leave me on this note

And if this ship goes down
and we wash up on solid ground
then we will stand, fight, and make it worth this life

Clean break
I won't let this slip away
I have come too far to give up now
I'll make these wasted days
and empty pages fuel the firelight
I'll make it work this time
Clean break

Written, Produced & Mixed by Ben Lapidus©
Arranged by Ambler
Engineered by Ben Lapidus, Jacob Blumberg of Mason Jar Music, and Aaron Bastinelli of Converse Rubber Tracks
Mastered by Alan Silverman of Arf Productions
Track Name: Emerge
Emerge

It’s been six years since I felt the innocence
I used to dream, to drift, to let myself believe
But I let go, I let time move on without me
I don’t know why I build these walls around me
I don’t know

I don’t know if this makes sense,
But I can feel a difference
I woke up, hands toward the skies
Saw my future in your eyes
And I know

And I know I left you to pay the debt and clear the air
I care, I just wasn’t that careful
I let go, I let distance get between us
I don’t know

I don’t know if this makes sense,
But I can feel a difference
I woke up, hands toward the skies
Saw my future in your eyes
And I know

This feeling’s a phase, it will end
And I’ll emerge as the person I am
I’ve been lost for so long but now
When these walls come down
We’ll be safe and sound
Track Name: Prodigal Son
Prodigal Son

Last night I tortured my head
I thought about all the things I never said
And I hated myself for not speaking out then
Keeping quiet, just being your friend
So c’mon I’ll carry the weight
I’ll be your father if that’s what it takes
You can’t paint me the villain or make me a prop
You can hate me for all that you’re not

But brother, how could you do what you’ve done to our mother?
You love her, I know
How do you stomach it?
Where will you run when the bottom it hits and I hope that it does
And you fall to your knees and you weep just for once
With the weight of our pain and the damage you’ve done
And you realize it’s time
You can keep living or keep getting high

I try to reach out and I fall
I’ve given so much and you’ve squandered it all
It’s the same story so many suffer and fall
With the family they frame on the wall

Brother, how could you do what you’ve done to our mother?
You love her, I know
How do you stomach it?
Where will you run when the bottom it hits and I hope that it does
And you fall to your knees and you weep just for once
With the weight of our pain and the damage you’ve done
With the shame and despair of the shell you’ve become
And you come back, oh come back
Our prodigal son

I don’t want to hate you, I don’t
I just can’t keep clutching, I have to let go
So I’ll try to accept that I have no control
But I’ll carry the hope that I hold
Track Name: Orenda Circle
Orenda Circle

There are handprints in the sidewalk on Orenda Circle stock-still over time
Our lives shift and diverge like back when Sarah slept the whole 8-hour drive
We arrive at separate plot points like the sprawling roots that ground our parents lives
And I don’t know if John will ever get clean
Or if our parents’ rift will tear the seams

There’s a train on the northern shore of Maine
To a city I don’t know but recognize
There’s a street with a canopy of leaves
Where I’ll rest my head with all my heart and pride

We drew growth-lines by the stairwell and surrendered to the vast unfolding page
In the living room we learned to cry together, gathered humbly by a flame
There’s a symmetry to all these random waves of fractured frames like splintered wood or splattered paint
And I don’t know if Jess will ever leave home
Or if our parents’ love is set in stone

There’s a train on the northern shore of Maine
To a city I don’t know but recognize
There’s a street with a canopy of leaves
Where I’ll rest my head with all my heart and pride
There’s a train on the northern shore of Maine
To a city I don’t know but recognize
There’s a street with a canopy of leaves
Where I’ll rest my head with all my heart and pride
There’s a train on the northern shore of Maine
To a city I don’t know but recognize
There’s a street with a canopy of leaves
I will call my home with all my heart and pride